So, here I am again. Its 2009 and the years just keep on scrolling, like their counter part, the wall calendar! There has been a lot on mind; yeah! you guessed it right, about me and where am I headed? Well, I really don't want to know the answer to that question, just yet.. So I will let the Calendar leaflets fly.
The thing that is bothering me right now is directions! There are plenty of ways to go about and making something out of the mess I am. I want to make myself a better me, for no one but me! Reading up on my blog, seems that I am becoming more self obsessed as time goes on by. And for one I don't like it and I am trying to change that. While I am trying to change my ways of being obsessively me, I am also trying to put together a corporate entity, which is at the brinks of a break down and by the fell of it, I think its because I have left worrying and doing anything about it! Why??? Well, thats an easy answer, no one is listening and bothered about it, So I am going to run the corporate entity as a one man show! Which would definitely become more difficult and more obsessively me, which in turn is not helping me achieve the goal of detaching my self with me! I think the word density of the word "me" in this post will be hitting the roof by now!
Funny isn't it, everytime you even begin to think that you are settling down and you are actually beginning your life and actually achieving what you set out to achieve, everything starts crumbling and even more funnier than that is, you know that it is crumbling because of you!
The whole goal here is to get to know myself and to keep a record of how I feel about things happening around me. But as far as this goal goes, I am still no where. Wonder how do other men deal with their inner beings and the chaos of a fight where they are bound, spaceless, and really do need a vacation, while everything is burning!
Burn!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Happiness's Bane
Ever felt the feeling that something some where is wrong? and yet you still are happy where you are when you are? Well this is about such a feeling.
When I am down, and cranky and upset and all those adjectives that people hate to be in, I usually think of even worse situations that I might have landed in, what this does is, makes me wanna be happy. But when I am happy, chirpy and just plain old GAY[pun not intended] I feel like something is wrong and it would be stripped away from me, this doesnt make me feel more happier it just pulls me back into a sorry state of affairs. Well, atleast it used to a couple of years back. Now, I have a mantra for happiness, if you are feeling happy, think not it is not going to stay, think You can be happier! thus I think follows the pursuit of happiness which is everlasting and will never end. Mind you, don't get yourselves tangled up with mistaking happiness with luxury or richness, they are different, heck if you dont want to take my word, or even Mr. Oxford, or Mr. Webster's word for it, try it!
When I am down, and cranky and upset and all those adjectives that people hate to be in, I usually think of even worse situations that I might have landed in, what this does is, makes me wanna be happy. But when I am happy, chirpy and just plain old GAY[pun not intended] I feel like something is wrong and it would be stripped away from me, this doesnt make me feel more happier it just pulls me back into a sorry state of affairs. Well, atleast it used to a couple of years back. Now, I have a mantra for happiness, if you are feeling happy, think not it is not going to stay, think You can be happier! thus I think follows the pursuit of happiness which is everlasting and will never end. Mind you, don't get yourselves tangled up with mistaking happiness with luxury or richness, they are different, heck if you dont want to take my word, or even Mr. Oxford, or Mr. Webster's word for it, try it!
Becoming
So its been quite a long, since I wrote last. What prompted me to write today is the fact that I remembered this whole blogging experience is more so of a release of my thoughts and it really helps me to put myself straight! I am still a teen and I got the PS2 slim, cheap titles :) Xbox has issues, any one buying it, I would suggest you go for the PS3 or buy an alienware or a console. Not that I have anything against the Xbox, it just has issues.
Anyway's coming back to the point being.... Having a decent meal in the state of Maharashtra, has become more expensive, not only they ask for money after you have finished, but while you are trying to finish your meal, the good looking, decent guys on the other table, pay their bill and shoot you down! Quite a pleasant evening for a family of four that was having dinner at a cafe in the Town side of Mumbai, where I and some friends still hangout occasionnaly. Don't even get me started on the five stars! Thier bills usually come along with bullets AND hand grenades!
"Security", the word should have a new meaning today, for all of us here in maharashtra, with people I know, scrutinizing any one and every one around them, distrusting the authorities and generally having quiter, duller evenings at home. Ask them, what can they do about it? General answer would be, apparently nothing can be done and it will ball over. So much so, that when our city burns, people would still like to get their 15 minutes of fame. Barring the politicians, since they are the lowest strata of our society and we have made them that!
Having a look at the ads on tv, about the new initiative jagore.com, where you as youth are prompted to sign up for an election card and vote, and having gone through the experience of knowing and feeling that I am no longer safe in my own city, I decide that jagore.com should change their advertising campaign to ask us NOT TO VOTE. Its all becuase of our votes, i did say, So when it comes to voting, there is not one party or organization I trust to run India, or Maharashtra! or any other state or country for that matter. What I need in India, today is someone who is more than Obama. I know its the big O is overhyped, but he is the right person to run the U.S and I am waiting for the dark knigth to take the charge here and become what is necessary to become to bring this country o' mine on the rail tracks again!
Well, I day dream about a change here, and nothing happens. I sometimes feel of starting up a stall somewhere, where people could come and register for a "not to vote" movement.. or something.. but I haven't really figured out the specs yet. So if any out there reading this rambling of mine, could give me some ideas! that would be great. Why is it that I can only write about these things and when the time comes I have nothing to do? .... Well I leave you guys off thinking what I am thinking... if not doing... How do I Change the world, today? or a better question could be Can I?
Anyway's coming back to the point being.... Having a decent meal in the state of Maharashtra, has become more expensive, not only they ask for money after you have finished, but while you are trying to finish your meal, the good looking, decent guys on the other table, pay their bill and shoot you down! Quite a pleasant evening for a family of four that was having dinner at a cafe in the Town side of Mumbai, where I and some friends still hangout occasionnaly. Don't even get me started on the five stars! Thier bills usually come along with bullets AND hand grenades!
"Security", the word should have a new meaning today, for all of us here in maharashtra, with people I know, scrutinizing any one and every one around them, distrusting the authorities and generally having quiter, duller evenings at home. Ask them, what can they do about it? General answer would be, apparently nothing can be done and it will ball over. So much so, that when our city burns, people would still like to get their 15 minutes of fame. Barring the politicians, since they are the lowest strata of our society and we have made them that!
Having a look at the ads on tv, about the new initiative jagore.com, where you as youth are prompted to sign up for an election card and vote, and having gone through the experience of knowing and feeling that I am no longer safe in my own city, I decide that jagore.com should change their advertising campaign to ask us NOT TO VOTE. Its all becuase of our votes, i did say, So when it comes to voting, there is not one party or organization I trust to run India, or Maharashtra! or any other state or country for that matter. What I need in India, today is someone who is more than Obama. I know its the big O is overhyped, but he is the right person to run the U.S and I am waiting for the dark knigth to take the charge here and become what is necessary to become to bring this country o' mine on the rail tracks again!
Well, I day dream about a change here, and nothing happens. I sometimes feel of starting up a stall somewhere, where people could come and register for a "not to vote" movement.. or something.. but I haven't really figured out the specs yet. So if any out there reading this rambling of mine, could give me some ideas! that would be great. Why is it that I can only write about these things and when the time comes I have nothing to do? .... Well I leave you guys off thinking what I am thinking... if not doing... How do I Change the world, today? or a better question could be Can I?
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Getting Big Plans!
Well, I have tried and I have tried more than enough, but for some reason only known to the pitch yielding folks downstairs, who have fiery parties every night, it seems like It never seems to happen to me! What?? is you may ask...
Well, getting BIG.... No not as in Big, Bigger, Biggest - Big if you get my drift, but getting BIG as in the movie BIG, as in BIG in the ways of the world. There is this chord in my heart that keeps strumming a tune and because of which, all my efforts to actually mature up and give up ... never wring. It just keeps me going on, and getting more younger and more "teeny", and now that I can afford to be a teen all on my own, it makes all the more sense that I do be one and act one, the only hitch here is the expectations of my folks here... which sorry to say, I never kept up to, and Happily even!!
What this all means in say about four words, is that, chuck - I am a getting an XBOX or a PS2slim .... Have a nice one folks!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Seemingly Endless
Well its been, as the title says or suggests "Seemingly Endless" time since I have posted here, I dont know who reads my runts o' rants. But I love writing here for some reason. As to about my where abouts, its been a ride.
Aren't we all tired about people generally saying "its been a ride" Its always a ride. Anyways back to the subject, been in a long slow period of attenuation, may be of recovering. From What?, you ask, well from "me" - yes on this blog its always insanely about me.
Its kinda hard to believe I am so many people in one, I have so much potential in me and I see so much of potential in everybody that surrounds me today. I see so much of potential in me, that I potentially dont get around to making the potentialities kinetics! Blah, i know. But people never fail to amaze to me, they change fast and they change!
I cant say I haven't. I have changed quite a lot since I last wrote here, but I still believe in what ever is written on this blog, not that any one reads it offcourse! :P Changed how? Well I have grown, gotten new experiences, gotten to see the side of people, that I thought never existed!
Its like no matter what I do I will always be naive, lost and you know what, thats the way I like it, may be i want to stay lost! King Solomon here I come :D
Will post hopefully soon, if not soon sometime in the future, wont give up :D Have a nice one folks!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Speed Slut Time
The past three months have been quite graceful. I have been away, doing my own jazz. While, undergoing a lot of blissful, slow, winter deep moments, I have realized something about Time.
I always used to fret over the fact that there is not much time to do anything. Well, yes Mr. Etherman has prooved that wrong. Like the great master mind of space and time has prooved that time simply is a relative concept. Huh? What does that mean Brain?
Well, Pinky, Time will always be relative to how you feel. Simply put, if you are feeling like crap, time passes excruciatingly, slowly as it tommorow may never ever come. But if you are having a field day, it passes as if you never had it!!! Well, that may not be fair, but none the less is the story of everybody's life.
What can you then do about it?
Well, There's not much you can do, but simply let it be and let yourself go....trust me it works wonder!
I always used to fret over the fact that there is not much time to do anything. Well, yes Mr. Etherman has prooved that wrong. Like the great master mind of space and time has prooved that time simply is a relative concept. Huh? What does that mean Brain?
Well, Pinky, Time will always be relative to how you feel. Simply put, if you are feeling like crap, time passes excruciatingly, slowly as it tommorow may never ever come. But if you are having a field day, it passes as if you never had it!!! Well, that may not be fair, but none the less is the story of everybody's life.
What can you then do about it?
Well, There's not much you can do, but simply let it be and let yourself go....trust me it works wonder!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
A Teaser!
The innumerable wonders, among the many blunders. The already had it, blown it. The nothing to everything slot machines. The make it or break it dice rolls. The do or die roulette. Lucks parody. The Gambling Beat.
Vegas strip, Atlantic City and Life, all synonymous terms for the Great Gamble. Luck, struggle, bets, loan sharks, jackpots all variables; what makes you gamble? Its 3 a.m., I am sitting across the black jack table in one the biggest casinos on the strip. I am about to hit. The only thing I own, the only money I have, worthless green, sits on the table, in the form of chips, placed on high, the bet. There’s smoke in my face, as sweat rolls off my forehead.
The dealer across the table waiting for the words, knowing very well the house has won. Odds are against me, they are always against me. He grins.
“Hit” – I say. I have lost. There’s a smile on my face, wonder why? Maybe I knew. I borrow a cigarette from the valet and leave.
Why is it, what is it that makes me lose everything I have, why is that the crowds never learn? I am still smiling. I haven’t given up yet. I am a risky man, that inflates my ego to heights that no casino has ever reached, or a dealer has ever seen.
I head for my apartment, knowing very well that I am going to be back again. Where will I get the money from? The formidable question keeps nagging in my head. I already owe my life, worthless as it is, to three loan sharks, who, if not already, will want me dead as soon as the sun rises. That inflates my ego even more, I am a risky man. I smile.
I reach my apartment. The door is ajar. I enter.
He just shot me. My red blood is oozing out of my chest. He is gone. I have lost. This inflates my ego even higher. Why is it that you gamble?
Life’s parody.
Vegas strip, Atlantic City and Life, all synonymous terms for the Great Gamble. Luck, struggle, bets, loan sharks, jackpots all variables; what makes you gamble? Its 3 a.m., I am sitting across the black jack table in one the biggest casinos on the strip. I am about to hit. The only thing I own, the only money I have, worthless green, sits on the table, in the form of chips, placed on high, the bet. There’s smoke in my face, as sweat rolls off my forehead.
The dealer across the table waiting for the words, knowing very well the house has won. Odds are against me, they are always against me. He grins.
“Hit” – I say. I have lost. There’s a smile on my face, wonder why? Maybe I knew. I borrow a cigarette from the valet and leave.
Why is it, what is it that makes me lose everything I have, why is that the crowds never learn? I am still smiling. I haven’t given up yet. I am a risky man, that inflates my ego to heights that no casino has ever reached, or a dealer has ever seen.
I head for my apartment, knowing very well that I am going to be back again. Where will I get the money from? The formidable question keeps nagging in my head. I already owe my life, worthless as it is, to three loan sharks, who, if not already, will want me dead as soon as the sun rises. That inflates my ego even more, I am a risky man. I smile.
I reach my apartment. The door is ajar. I enter.
He just shot me. My red blood is oozing out of my chest. He is gone. I have lost. This inflates my ego even higher. Why is it that you gamble?
Life’s parody.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Automatic Doors
So sterling opened up again. Much has changed, but mostly, nostalgically, something’s do remain the same, thanks to the ether man or the owner, how you perceive it. A few posts are ago, I mentioned how Mumbai never had the charm of Bombay, it seems, speaking of the ether man, he does exist.
I was yeh-small, I was 7, and the first movie I ever watched in sterling was ‘Home Alone’, ironically, with the entire lot of my family. I was thrilled. I still distinctly remember the whole movie experience. I was sitting in one of the top most rows, had clear field vision of the wide screen, and was enjoying watching Macaulay Culkin doing his thing. It was the first time the entire family had gone for a movie together, normally those selfish bastards used to leave us kids alone, and I would be on the receiving end, getting myself beaten up by my elder cousin, who I used to run behind with a bamboo in my hand and used to hit her (at this point I’d like to say, Kids do not try this at home, parents do not take this lightly and this will probably get you inside a can of whole new worms, trust me on this one), on the beck and call of my elder brother, sibling politics and rivalry at its best, but who is complaining we got to go for the movie next time around, surely they dint feel like leaving us all alone again, the bamboo stick had disappeared but there were brooms around the house. Deviant aren’t I? While watching this movie I felt something, some kind of a connection with the theatre I was watching it in (psychoanalysts and shrinks please excuse). Minute by minute, I was falling in love with the place. Minute by minute it was becoming home to me. The movie sure got over, but the feeling never went away, still feel the same about sterling. That’s what this theatre is all about, experiencing the feeling, the feeling of being at home, it engulfs you. I practically grew up in sterling, watched hundreds of movies, some with family most with friends. Crisis management days, I used to step in my office, steps of this wonderful theatre, and brood over solutions. Spent my puberty there, almost lost my virginity there. :D
Well, what is really changed is, its got 2 brand new screens as an addition to an already present one. Screen two is the most funniest, it is like a space ship. If you guys haven’t experienced sterling yet, get up, and experience the old Bombay charm. If you are from the over and the there and the that side of the border(s), whenever in town, do visit sterling. It’s worth it. It’s a monument reminding you of an era gone by.
PS: It's got new automatic doors, that open if you just stand anywhere close to the door, the best part is, stand below the door for a few minutes and dry off the heat.
I was yeh-small, I was 7, and the first movie I ever watched in sterling was ‘Home Alone’, ironically, with the entire lot of my family. I was thrilled. I still distinctly remember the whole movie experience. I was sitting in one of the top most rows, had clear field vision of the wide screen, and was enjoying watching Macaulay Culkin doing his thing. It was the first time the entire family had gone for a movie together, normally those selfish bastards used to leave us kids alone, and I would be on the receiving end, getting myself beaten up by my elder cousin, who I used to run behind with a bamboo in my hand and used to hit her (at this point I’d like to say, Kids do not try this at home, parents do not take this lightly and this will probably get you inside a can of whole new worms, trust me on this one), on the beck and call of my elder brother, sibling politics and rivalry at its best, but who is complaining we got to go for the movie next time around, surely they dint feel like leaving us all alone again, the bamboo stick had disappeared but there were brooms around the house. Deviant aren’t I? While watching this movie I felt something, some kind of a connection with the theatre I was watching it in (psychoanalysts and shrinks please excuse). Minute by minute, I was falling in love with the place. Minute by minute it was becoming home to me. The movie sure got over, but the feeling never went away, still feel the same about sterling. That’s what this theatre is all about, experiencing the feeling, the feeling of being at home, it engulfs you. I practically grew up in sterling, watched hundreds of movies, some with family most with friends. Crisis management days, I used to step in my office, steps of this wonderful theatre, and brood over solutions. Spent my puberty there, almost lost my virginity there. :D
Well, what is really changed is, its got 2 brand new screens as an addition to an already present one. Screen two is the most funniest, it is like a space ship. If you guys haven’t experienced sterling yet, get up, and experience the old Bombay charm. If you are from the over and the there and the that side of the border(s), whenever in town, do visit sterling. It’s worth it. It’s a monument reminding you of an era gone by.
PS: It's got new automatic doors, that open if you just stand anywhere close to the door, the best part is, stand below the door for a few minutes and dry off the heat.
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