"...Everything goes white and I cannot breathe. I clench my eyes and I bite down on my existing teeth and I think my jaw might be breaking and I squeeze my hands and I dig my fingers through the hard rubber surface of the tennis balls and my fingernails crack and my fingernails break and my fingernails start to bleed and I curl my toes and they fucking hurt and I flex the muscles in my leg and they fucking hurt and my torso tightens and my stomuch muscles feel as if they're going to collapse and my ribs feel as if they're caving in on themselves and it fucking hurts and my balls are shrinking and the shrinking fucking hurts and my dick is hard because my blood hurts and my blood wants to escape and its seeking exit through my dick and my dick fucking hurts and my arms are straining against the thick blue bylon straps..."
"... I turn and I slowly walk away and I don't look back. It as always been a fault of mine, but it is the way I am. I never look back. Never. I move down a Hallway, gripping the side of the wall for support. Each step is more difficult than the last, each step hurts more. My face is throbbing to the rythym of my heart, the rythym of my heart is not as strong or as steady as it was. It is speeding up and slowing down, beating with irregular strength, sending sharp messages through my left arm and my jaw. It held when it needed to hold, buts it's not going to hold much longer. I'm not going to hold much longer."
"...My mind is clear and my urges are gone and my heart is beating slow nd steady. I am going to leave here and I am going to kill myself. The thought makes me smile. It makes me smile because it is sad and horrible. It makes me smile because the mystery of my death is gone and without the mystery it isnt scary anymore."
I dont think I have to explain any of the above. Sometimes......
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